Boys between us

It's 8:05 AM and Tommy and Christopher are heading out the door for school. They're dawdling. I think they need some help. Be right back.

Okay, they're out waiting for the bus. Two less distractions now so I can focus on Joey, who has been vomiting since 5 AM. Jeffrey just came and asked me when Joey is going to stop throwing up. Probably not as soon as we all want him to, Jeffrey.

I spent yesterday afternoon cleaning up downstairs, filling three bags of toys to donate to goodwill. Now I'm thinking I should have waited one more day because my plans for today have obviously changed and I won't be running errands, after all. And if I wasn't out of their sight yesterday, the boys wouldn't have done what they did to our neighbors to make them question having only one child. Either that, or they are even more thankful than ever that they only have one.

Joey is in a heap on the floor. I have just enough time to give you a recap of yesterday's events, in brief:

Billy is an only child and is a year younger than Christopher and a year older than Joey and Billy and Christopher get along great because they are so compatible and Chris is easy-going when Billy can sometimes be a little intense and so Chris and Billy hang out a lot and everybody is happy until Joey sometimes wants in on the action and in some cases can indulge unless three becomes a crowd in which case he comes home and Chris remains. Billy wanted Chris to sleep over Saturday night but Joey carried on and on and on so much so that it wasn't worth the pain G and I would suffer so we had to regretfully decline which left Chris feeling very much disappointed and me trying to explain that one doesn't have to compete with the other and how each does or gets something that the other doesn't except they never realize it when they're in the moment of here and now and believing they are truly losing out if one of them appears to be getting some great prize, such as Chris sleeping over at the neighbor's. So yesterday while I was knee deep in toys downstairs the three older boys went next door until Tommy and Joey returned "because they were bored". Billy's mom called to ask if Chris could eat dinner over there and Joey had answered the phone and wouldn't let her talk to me and then had the audacity to actually hang up on her! Then Chris called back and Tommy answered and then he wouldn't let him talk to me and then Joey kept calling over there multiple times times twenty and Billy's mom decided Chris could eat over and when I finally got wind of what was happening she was so mad she couldn't even talk and sent me an e-mail for which I anxiously waited because I didn't know why she was mad but I knew it had to have something to do with my kids. Here is her e-mail to me:

Ok, I am so angry right now, I have to write you an email instead of calling. Joey, Chris and Tommy came over this afternoon. And all was well. Tommy and Joey decided to go home (there were no arguments, they just got bored) Chris and Billy played for a bit later and it was getting on dinner time so Billy asked if Chris could eat here. Bill wasn't home, so I said if it was ok with you he could. So Chris called and Tommy wouldn't let him speak to you. So he called again, and Joey answered. Joey wouldn't let Chris speak to you, so I got on the phone. I asked to speak with you and Joey said NO! I told Joey that if he didn't let me speak with you he was not allowed over here for the rest of the week. He then said ok, goodbye and hung up on me! So I made the decision myself that Chris could eat here. Joey then called back no less than 20 times (and the calls are still continuing as I right this email) Joey had lunch here over the weekend, we got McDonalds. So it's not like we never include him. I am really aggrivated. What are we going to do about this?

My reply:
I have been downstairs all afternoon cleaning the basement and clearing out
excess junk. I had no idea this was going on, or of course, it wouldn't have!
I did ask if anything happened over there and Tommy said no, but that Joey kept
calling and I did have to tell him to stop when I saw him just doing it.

I'll speak to them. Christopher was upset about Saturday night and I didn't
blame him because they are all so competitive and think one gets more than the
other. Joey carried on and on and so we made the decision not to have Chris
sleep over. But I think that you can invite him again and when anybody balks,
we'll remind them of today.

I'm sorry they did that and we'll be speaking to all of them.

Her reply:
I understand about the sleep over. During the summer it is easier for me to have more than 1 kid over, but this time of year it's hard. Two kids tend to remain rather calm, three do not. Billy was upset too, but they all got over it. No big deal. I think the thing that really pushed my buttons was Joey complete disregard of my request to speak with you and his total disrespect of me by hanging up on me and his dozen of calls after I told him not to call back.

But, the larger picture is what are we going to do about this jealousy thing? I understand that they all want a piece of the action, and when I can, I try to include as many as possible. But inevitably sometimes it will come down to one and it tends to be Chris, because Chris and Billy are compatible. I would like your input because I feel badly when they feel left out, but I don't know what to do?

My reply:
Have another child. There. Done.

Oh, that's not an option, right? Why can't things be that simple?

Okay, then how about this: tell whoever is feeling left out to get over it.

No? Too harsh? Okay, how about you have Chris move in with you permanently and then his brothers won't notice what they're missing because he won't keep coming home to remind them because he'll already be home at your house!

Problem solved! When can we move his stuff over?

Okay, I need to go see about a heap on the floor.