Me, just

Come next spring, Anemones, Daffodils, and Tulips will pop up from around the grounds of our home, thanks to a combination of great friends, timing, and whatever other karma resulted in my alone opportunity, unbeknownst to me or anybody else that I'd get to have it and enjoy today.

It was unusually warm for early October; 65 degrees indoors compared to at least 70 outdoors. (Our floors aren't radiating any heat yet since we turned it off in the spring!) After running some errands, we spent the afternoon outdoors. Joey played with his trucks in just his shorts, relishing another day of getting to play barefoot. Jeffrey kept his shirt on and also played with trucks, and failed miserably at day 34 of potty training. Okay, I don't know what day it was. Do you really think I have been keeping track? I haven't, but I can tell you for certain that his brothers were all trained by 2.5 years and leave it to the last one to take his leisurely time and care less how old he is and no, he doesn't want a prize if he'll go.

So it was a beautiful fall day. The repairman came and fixed my dishwasher, which had been broken for a few weeks and I was well beyond missing not having its convenience and use with which to wash and dry dishes. He even found a keepsake Gerber baby spoon engraved with Christopher's name and birthdate, which might never have been found had the unit not needed to be pulled out for repair. Lost and found for a mere $180.

Then the older boys came home from school. Usually, a dark cloud gets off the bus with Tommy, hovers over his head, and follows him down the driveway to the house. But today, no dark cloud. A happy Tommy. Rare, but much appreciated. No petty fights started. No whining did I hear. They arrived home content after a day at school (and NeCAP testing for Tommy, no less!), eager to play. Tommy informed me he was invited over to a friend's, which prompted Christopher to arrange his own plans. He called his friend Sarah, because she asked him to call, and I couldn't believe my ears when Sarah was asking for not just Christopher, but Joey and Jeffrey to go over to play as well. Did I hear right? Sarah's mom was willing to take on 3 more, in addition to her own 4 little ones?

Backtrack. Let's get it all straight. Tommy was going to Brian's, and his 3 brothers could go to Sarah's. That would leave..., nobody. Nobody! Just me!! How unbelievably rare! A beautiful fall day, a newly rapaired appliance, a found keepsake, and no kids for the rest of the afternoon! I jumped on it before my mind could convince me it was a bad idea.

Tommy headed to Brian's. I called their house to make sure he got there, to inform Brian's mom of what I had told Tommy about the rules and him not riding Brian's dird bike, etc. She would gladly drop him off at home at 6:30. That was more than 2 hours away! I quickly cleaned up the mini marshmallows the boys had dropped on the floor, hustled them into the van, and drove over to Sarah's. The boys were happy. I was happier. Sarah's mom told me to take my time, not to hurry back in an hour. Let the kids play.

So I drove to Home Depot and got some mums and bulbs to plant. And while nobody bothered me, while no child hung on my leg or whined or demanded my attention, I planted 106 bulbs. It started to rain as I finished the last dozen, but I didn't care. It was just me flirting with spring and nobody knew. Their surprise will reveal itself after a long and cold winter and I will recall this day and how all the pieces fell into place that allowed it all to happen. And I will smile as I think about G's brother Brian, knowing I did it for him. New life blooming year after year will keep my memories of him from fading. And I will always think of them as Brian's flowers, conceived the year he died, born the year after.

Tommy arrived home at 6:30 PM. Sarah's mom had called, saying she was feeding the boys dinner and I didn't have to hurry over to get them. 7 PM would be fine.

It sure was a great afternoon. Everybody enjoyed it, and although I didn't miss the boys, I know they didn't miss me. And that's OK. We all needed our time. Just us. Together and apart.