Sweet recollections

I don't know if it is because she is gone, although I would venture to guess that it has a lot to do with the fact that my memories of her are recalled more and more lately. Perhaps it was because I had recently gone through old photos from that year. Either way, they are bittersweet memories I recall with sorrow now.

The first time I met her was this time 13 years ago. I was 8 months pregnant with Tommy, and flew out for a long weekend to visit Karen and her family in Tennessee, where they lived at the time. Although I had seen photos of her, this would be our first time meeting, and I was so excited.

I couldn't wait to see my sister. I couldn't wait to meet my new baby niece. Karen and her husband were blessed with a 22 month old son and recently with Lauren, and seemed to be the perfect little family. I think the fact that I would soon be a mother myself forced the feelings of envy back, because the fact that she even had a daughter certainly brought those emotions to the surface. A daughter. If there was ever anything I longed for in this life, it was to have a daughter.

But I knew I would. After I had my first child. Karen was just a couple of years ahead of me, but in a couple of years, we would be comparing Lauren's baby pictures with those of my daughter. I just knew it. In the meantime, I would get to spoil my baby niece as any aunt should.











Three months later, Karen would fly home to visit me and meet Tommy. Karen brought Lauren along for the long weekend away from her husband and toddler, and it was an unforgettable moment when we met at the airport. We hugged each other around our babies, and then instantly swapped babies. I handed Tommy to her and she handed Lauren to me. We marveled at them -- me at my niece who had grown so much, and her at Tommy, barely 2 months old, the same age Lauren was when I first met her.

It was a great weekend. We compared baby stories and visited our friends and our friends visited us. We were all green with motherhood, having our first and second children, and it was hard to believe how far we had all come from those college days and engagements and marriages and now babies.













Karen had a reason to visit home again in March: her friend was getting married. This time, she brought Lauren's older brother, and of course, Lauren herself. It was another opportunity to get the kids together, compare more stories, and visit with college friends.




And now, I wish I could relive those days again. Despite the fact that my boys are well beyond their babyhood years and the crib and car seats and strollers have long since been given away, I would do it all again, if only to get back those moments.